Holiday Wishes, On Cultivating Joy and Fudge, of course!

We are nearing the winter solstice and the holidays and it is always this time of year that I find myself taking stock on a deeper level; what is working in my life, what requires a major over-haul and what do I want to accomplish in the time that remains.

These are heady contemplations and are best pondered with chocolate!  I used to make fudge and many other decadent treats this time of year for my loved ones, but since embarking on a plant-based and mostly non-processed diet, have dropped most of that tradition.  I found a fudge recipe recently that I thought would be, while not perfectly healthy, a good choice.  More on that in a few paragraphs. (Scroll down for recipe if you wish to skip my musings).

I've spent a lot of this year working on my emotional fitness, having reached the point where I feel that my diet is pretty good and now solid enough to free me up for some of the tougher work.  I can tell I've made some definite progress; while shopping this year, not only have I managed to avoid getting sucked into the rat race of commercialism that bombards us spurring us on to buy more, more, more, I've also avoided that twinge of nostalgia, the ache and yearning in my heart that would sometimes come upon me while in a store often triggered when a particularly sentimental holiday song would play.  It's that sweet and sour combination of missing the days gone by, relatives who've passed on and the sense that one's own days are numbered.  It used to leave me positively crippled somewhere between housewares and tinker toys.  This year, I feel the beginnings of 'the twinge' and quickly replace it with thoughts of gratefulness for the HERE and the NOW and all that I have in my life.  PROGRESS!

I've learned that life isn't about PREVENTING the negative or painful from seeping in (although certainly we can do some work in this area) as much as it is about having a good arsenal at the ready to meet it when it does.  The strategies to just 'quit that' or 'don't let it bother you', I have found to be woefully inadequate.  One needs TOOLS to utilize, not the challenge of meeting a negative goal. 

Freed up from intense depression, I can now look around at the faces in the stores and see the strain and stress and worry and hurry and I wonder, where is the joy in the season?

Recently while in a Target store, I remarked to the cashier about how terribly crowded it was in there, was there a big sale on or something going on that I was unaware of?  She explained to me that we DO have fewer shopping days before Christmas this year. 

What???

It was all I could do to keep a straight face.

I had no idea that in 2013 the calendar had been shortened!!!  Where did they take the days out?  April?  August?  November?  I thought the year went by fast!!!

(Now of course I figured out what she meant - Thanksgiving fell later this year and apparently, "most people" don't do their Xmas shopping until after Thanksgiving, but still...the absurdity of the statement really struck me.  Really....it's a panic, people!!!  Come on, you have FEWER days! Get out there and buy!)

No wonder we feel rushed, tugged and constantly under the crunch with these artificial shortages created to put more pressure on and impossible standards to reach finding 'the perfect gift' and so on.

It can be a challenge to remain joyful and in-the-moment.

But it is as simple as a decision to do so and to chart a different course.  Then, like a good sailor, make the corrections as the seas change....do less sooner, to avoid doing more later.  Take a pause, take a breath, look for and find the joy in your own life.  (Hint:  it's not in Housewares or Electronics).

As happy as I am with my progress, I'll continue my emotional fitness work into the new year and recently was referred to a neuro-psychologist's work by a friend on a similar path.  You can get a taste of Dr. Rick Hanson's work here if you have 13 minutes to spare. He has a few books out that I'll be working with and hope to blog about in the future. 
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jpuDyGgIeh0


Now on to the chocolate.

I wanted to bake a few treats this year, send off some and also have some for the gift baskets I make.  Virtually Vegan Mama had an interesting fudge recipe using pistachios and pomegranate arils.  I decided to give it a try.   Here is the link to the recipe and VVM's beautiful photography.

Virtually Vegan Mama's Pomegranate Pistachio Fudge

http://virtuallyveganmama.com/2013/12/pomegranate-pistachio-chocolate-fudge.html?utm_source=feedburner&utm_medium=email&utm_campaign=Feed%3A+VirtuallyVeganMama+%28Virtually+Vegan+Mama%29

The recipe goes together quickly.  I did a quick half-recipe making a few substitutions, not having coconut butter, and subbing coconut oil instead (which makes for a sloppier concoction best kept in the fridge) and also using walnuts in place of pistachios.  I plan to make the exact recipe after I have a chance to run to the store and find coconut butter and stock up on pistachios, which are impossible to keep around here  (darling husband's favorite snack).  I think that combo will be wonderful.

I did have pomegranate arils, frozen, and used some thawed and drained and they are wonderful in the fudge. 

I'm also thinking that the fudge part, the chocolate without the additions, would lend itself well to a  recipe for Buckeyes, so I may play with that and will post any successes later.


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My holiday wish for you and yours is to connect with all that gives you joy, in whatever form it takes (even if it is electronic, :), and to have some time for peace in all the hecticness of the season.

Happy Holidays!

Sue, joyful, in Ohio

Salt, Sugar, Fat by Michael Moss, Tipping Points.... and more on Vitamin D

Michael Moss's Salt, Sugar and Fat....is an infuriating book.  But oh, so necessary.

I would go so far as to say it should be required reading in order to live on Planet Earth, or in the mainstream U.S. anyway.

I have often said that sometimes I feel like I'm in the middle of a bad Mel Gibson movie, but, I have always often said that just because you are paranoid doesn't mean that someone isn't really out to get you.

It is hard to read Moss' well-written and well-documented work without feeling like finally, the 'paranoia' has been justified. 

Four to five years ago when I really began heavily researching nutrition, the failure of the modern medical system and the subversive nature of the insurance and pharmaceutical conglomerates, I could hardly believe the connection of the dots I was making.  How could evil exist at this extreme, in this time and place?

It seems clear:  money and profits, at all costs, even that of our health, is what is truly valued by the proverbial powers-that-be.  I don't know why someone hasn't extrapolated and figured out that if we die too early, they can't milk us for more money.  Oh wait, we also have to feed the greed of the funeral industry, but that, as they say, is another talk show.

Modern medicine and the pharmaceutical giants fill in the gaps and hold out their cold, greedy hands too.  They can (and do) conspire to keep us alive longer.  We just will not be healthy enough to actually enjoy being alive (and in some cases, even KNOW we are alive), and there will always be another pill that we 'need' in order to be 'healthy', and another to counter-act the side-effects of pill number one.

(I am not 100% jaded and do believe that many many students start on the course of medicine in a true effort to help their fellow humans, but somewhere along the way, things get very muddled indeed.  I also am over-simplifying somewhat as I do know some doctors will even suggest that patients exercise and eat more fruits and veggies; I am sure they are tremendously frustrated when the patient says: can't you just give me a pill?  Still, I have my own experience to pull on....for example, my own doc rolling her eyes at me when I told her I am on a vegan diet, and saying, that's just too hard.  And there is my own recent Vit D deficiency with ZERO follow up from my doc and yet I've received 3 notices that I need to get a mammogram.  ---I'm not getting any more mammo's....more on that in a future post----.  Things are just so completely inverse from what they should be.  It defies all logic.  But I seriously digress....)

Read Michael's work.  I know it isn't standard on-the-beach-Fabio-on-the-cover reading, but he illustrates clearly the linear progression of the rise of the modern food giants, and who is behind it, and traces it forward to the current state of health disaster that the U.S. finds itself in.  And, of course, like a true epidemic, this debacle knows no boundaries and is now a global problem.  Recently Mexico has over-taken the U.S. in the race to become the fattest nation in the world (excellent work, Mickey D's).  Very, very sad.

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I've just finished reading another book by Malcolm Gladwell who is rapidly becoming one of my favorite authors.  His book Blink was extremely interesting and The Outliers literally changed my life.  Tipping Point,   was also intriguing.  Like his others, TP often bogs down in the detail, still, it is worth pushing through all of those pertinent tiny pieces as Gladwell makes his case for whatever social/psychological observation he is exploring.  Tipping Point is fascinating to me on a personal level as I believe this is what will happen with our modern food system and our paradigms for medical treatment.  (more on Gladwell and his work here:  www.gladwell.com).


The public is not healthy.  The public is not happy.  There are not sufficient healthy food options to meet the changing perceptions regarding food.  It is still far, far easier (and cheaper) to get unhealthy food than to find fresh, organic alternatives.  But people are beginning to vote with their dollar.  The dollar is the language the powers understand.  Those dollar votes plus an uprising and united front on demands for change will in fact initiate change.

One whispering voice joined by 10,000 others becomes too loud to ignore.  At some point, the tipping point, things will landslide in the other direction and instead of finding fat, laden with sugar, topped with salt and more salt on every corner, we will find fresh organic produce in an ever increasing variety and the reward will be living in a world of healthier, happier people.

I know, you probably think I believe in fairy godmothers too..... :).

I do.
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As a follow up to the brief mention I gave the important topic of Vitamin D in an earlier post, I wanted to reference a great article by Paul Stamets about increasing the bio-availability of Vitamin D by exposing mushrooms to UVB.  http://www.huffingtonpost.com/paul-stamets/mushrooms-vitamin-d_b_1635941.html  Now is the time in northern hemispheres to take on such a project if you are interested.  I know I will re-visit the Vitamin D issue again.  It is so vital to our good health.

Giveaway on next post!

Sue, working for the tipping point, in Ohio

Mac 'n Cheez --- Dr. Michael Holick, The Vitamin D Solution ---- Happy 3 years

Who doesn't want a mac 'n cheez recipe and it is one of the hardest to get 'right' on a vegan/plant-based diet.  Mac Not Cheese was one of the first vegan recipes I tried, Rip Esselstyn's recipe from Engine 2 Diet.  That is still on my 'go-to' list as is Christy Morgan's version from Blissful Bites.  Both of these have become well trodden recipes, but I was shopping with a friend recently who happened to show me a dry mix version at our local Whole Foods, and I may have happened to possibly note the ingredients (shhh!) on said version with the intent of creating something similar at home.


Anyway, I came up with something I think is an acceptable version.  It still needs some tweaking, but my husband said he likes this better than either of the two recipes I normally use, and having something to eat that he enjoys is very high on my list of priorities.

My first try went like this:

Dry Mix: 
Whole Wheat flour**:  2 T (1 1/2T)
Nutritional Yeast:         3 T
Potato Starch*:             2 T
Salt:                              1 t
Garlic Powder:             1/2 t (1/4 t)
Mustard Powder:         1/2 t (1/4 t)
Onion Powder:            1/2 t
(cayenne powder:        1/8 t)

(*I used potato starch as the ingredient I was replacing was a root vegetable starch so I reasoned this would be a better substitute than corn starch--corn being a non-root vegetable.  I actually think it wouldn't matter.  I happened to also have a ton of potato starch that I got at our Asian supermarket super cheap.
**I have made this using Garbanzo Bean flour instead of wheat flour and it was just as good).

In parentheses are the changes I am going to make next time I make this.  I believe I will continue to tweak it over time and will post anything earth-shattering here.  My husband likes things a little spicy, so I thought I would add in the cayenne, just a bit.  He did say that he thought this was a bit heavy on the garlic.  It would be very easy to double, triple, whatever the recipe and store in the frig to throw together very quickly.  I'll be putting it to the true test this weekend with my grand-daughter!

Here are the dry ingredients mixed together.

I heated up coconut milk and also tried a version with homemade almond milk.  The coconut milk was far superior, but it would be interesting to try purchased almond milk as my homemade version tends to have flecks of almond in it since I don't strain it and I think that affected the texture of the sauce.

Adding the dry mix to the milk.

Mine got very thick and I ended up adding a bit more milk to get the right consistency before adding on top of pasta.

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I've been reading Dr. Holick's book, the Vitamin D Solution.  For some time I have suspected that I have low vitamin D levels and when I got my blood work done in May, it was confirmed that I have a Vit. D deficiency.  Up here in Ohio, we are lucky to see the sun even in the summer it seems this year, and I've learned a lot from Dr. Holick about just how our bodies make vitamin D and how vital it is to every cell in the body.  Dr. Holick believes we are suffering a pandemic of vitamin D deficiencies, and I find his logic to be very solid.  (Dr. H. knows a thing or two about Vit D having been the first person to identify the active form of vitamin D in the blood.  You can read an interview with him at this link and get a quick overview of the basics about Vitamin D, sun exposure, supplements, toxicity, etc. http://www.alternative-therapies.com/at/web_pdfs/0508_interview.pdf)

We are very limited to what we can get from our diet in the way of vitamin D, and even meat-eaters getting their D by consuming foods are doing so because D has been added, which may or may not be adequate or even accurate as reported on the food labels, per Holick. 

I am also supplementing with Vit. D2 at least until I get my levels up to an acceptable range. I  prefer not to use supplementation, but living this far north may not give me another option.

To make things more complicated, we need calcium to properly utilize and absorb D, and this too can be problematic to get in our diet.  I've been solving the calcium problem by making a concerted effort to get my greens at every meal (here I am back to Dr. Fuhrman's advice to eat a pound or more of greens per day), and I am also aware of other foods that provide calcium and strive to get those foods in.

Sun exposure is important, especially during key times of the day, when UVB rays are at the right angle so that we can absorb what we need and contrary to the fright that has been put into us about avoiding the sun, we need this exposure to ensure good health.

I highly recommend reading Dr. Holick's book for an eye-opening education on the vital role of vitamin D.  http://drholick.com/

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July has come and gone and that is my anniversary month.....I celebrated 3 years on this fantastic journey and way of eating in 2013.  I am so very proud and feel as committed as ever to this lifestyle.  I'll do a celebratory give-away next week.  Happy Anniversary to me!

Til then....

Sue, getting all the sun I can and eating my greens, in Ohio

Vegucated & Black Garbanzo Banzai Bean Bonanza

I recently viewed the documentary film "Vegucated" (more about the project here:  http://www.getvegucated.com/the-film/synopsis/) which features three average meat and cheese-loving Americans as they embark on a 6-week committment to a vegan diet.  I enjoyed the film and feel that it did a good job of covering the basic reasons a person would choose a vegan life-style, including a decent expose of factory farm cruelties.  I like the fact that the film (written and directed by Marisa Miller Wolfson) did not sugar coat the horrific acts of animal cruelty that factory farming has brought about and did have enough graphic photography to illustrate the point, but not so much that I would suffer a two-week depression following the viewing (I still haven't made it all the way through "Earthlings" yet---that stuff just really upsets me).  Exposure of animal farm practices were taken a step further by de-bunking some myths (and advertising implications) of 'free range' animals as well, and that was good to see.

The film features Dr. Joel Fuhrman, who conducts before and after tests on the three participants and also educates them on the nutritional benefits of a plant-based diet.

As the weeks go by, we are shown the day-to-day struggles with trying to maintain a vegan diet, and I think most people who have switched to this life-style or are trying to will recognize the hurdles and relate to the struggles.

I wish there had been a bit more about the actual food preparation and the variety of foods available and more time spent with the experts they interviewed (T. Colin Campbell for one), but it's a nicely done and inspirational film that ends with a great message:  that we all can make a difference, with each and every meal and food choice we make.

As a special feature, there is a 10 minute video of Dr. Fuhrman conducting a Q & A with two of the participants.  (I would have loved to see some other special features as well....maybe one with Dr. Campbell and also Howard Lyman who is featured on the film too---I always want more :-). 

Dr. Fuhrman lays the premises for this type of diet out plainly for Brian and Tesla and expertly fields the questions they have had leveled at them from non-vegans in their lives that don't understand the science behind such a seemingly radical shift.  (This Q & A session contains the one thing about the film that really bothered me....I found the one male participant, Brian, to be a bit of a smart-a#*, and I know he's trying to be funny, but found his attitude toward Dr. Fuhrman disrespectful.....still I applaud his efforts and think it is very brave to offer oneself up as an experiment for public viewing).

Some of Dr. Fuhrman's remarks:

The bottom line right now is that 51% of all Americans die of heart attacks or strokes.
Most Americans eat a diet that is 40% animal products and 50% processed foods.  That diet is particularly dangerous because they are missing not one or two nutrients, but LOTS of phytochemicals and anti-oxidants that are only found in fruits and veggies, nuts and beans.  Natural plants foods provide the full spectrum of nutrients that we need for maximizing our health.

All-in-all, it's a film worth viewing and one that may help you field questions and deflect attacks from others.  If you are already firmly on the plant-based food path, you probably will not learn alot of new information, but still, it is empowering to see others adopt this lifestyle and is always good to re-affirm one's committment.
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I had two interesting things cross my path recently.  I took some of my little grandaughter's outgrown clothing to an area resale shop and happened to be wearing one of my 'vegan' t-shirts.  The sales clerk that was helping me commented that she liked my shirt.  It took me a minute, but then I asked, are you vegetarian?  or vegan?  Turns out she is vegan!  (Insert happy dance here!).  I tried not to leap over the counter and attack her with hugs, but couldn't help but be sooo excited and we chatted briefly about how good we feel about our choices and vegan food in general.  I ended up giving her my blog address so if you are on here reading this, hello vegan-sister!  It just made my day meeting her.

The other thing that happened is the yin to all that yang.....a neighbor down the street had a heart attack and is having quadruple bypass surgery in a few days.  Now, I don't know how to put this delicately, but he has been living a lifestyle that has steered him directly into the path of this particular freight train.  He's very over-weight, doesn't walk from place to place out here (in the country, just walking to get the mail can be a bit of exercise since most of us live set back from the road), preferring to drive his ATV everywhere.  There are other factors in his life as well that predispose him for illness, but I thought it was very interesting that within just a few days, I would meet a trim, fit vegan and find out about this health scare with my neighbor.  He's the person that Dr. Fuhrman talks about in that 51% death statistic.  Of course I am wishing him well and perhaps this will be an opportunity for me to share some food options with him.  There, but for the grace of kale, go the rest of us!

Grand-daughter on 2-yr birthday, modeling some resale clothes (and snatching her uncle's cap)

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Black Garbanzo Bean Banzai Bonanza

(Note:  "Banzai" means 10,000 years---maybe if we eat enough beans & veggies we will have long life.  Plus, I thought it just sounded cool in the recipe title.)

Okay, so remember those black garbanzos I got at Whole Foods?  Well, I decided to cook some up and toss them in with various left-overs I had in the frig.  They are really pretty as they are cooking up....they have kind of a reddish cast to them in addition to the black.  I paired them with some rice, using short-grain brown rice (would be great with a blend of wild and mahogany rice too), and added in some corn, baby peas, left-over broccoli chopped up, cubed roasted butternut squash, (some slivered almonds would be nice on top too) and then I threw together a sauce to layer on top of it all.  The sauce is a variation on Dr. Esselstyn's mushroom gravy.  I chopped up about 5 onions and carmelized them in a frying pan with just enough water to keep from sticking.  Letting them brown pretty well adds more color and flavor to the sauce.  I added veg. stock, I don't measure but probably used at least two cups.  I mixed up a thickener (I used whole wheat flour, maybe 1/4 cup) whisking with some of the stock and about 1 T of soy sauce (would prefer tamari here) and added it gradually to the onion mix.  I tossed in some sliced mushrooms to cook while heating the sauce.  I added more liquid to get desired consistency and lightly seasoned.  (Sauce will thicken so it is better to add a bit more liquid than less).

Black Garbanzo Banzai Bean Bonanza

A layer of spinach could be added as well; another opportunity to add in some greens---the possibilities are endless.  Note:  I really wanted to have the rice as a bottom layer, then veggies and the sauce/gravy on top, but I used a casserole dish that was too shallow so it ended up being in two separate dishes and I heated in a 325 degree oven for about 15 minutes.  Paired with some raw carrots fresh from my garden it was a very nice meal.

As Dr. Fuhrman points out in the Vegucated documentary, virtually all protein and other nutrients consumed on the planet originates through plants.  An animal may eat another animal who ate the plants; but the source is the plant.  I love that, as vegans, we cut out the middle-guy, and get the direct source.



Sue, celebrating good health & eating my beans, in Ohio

Give-away Winner and Cucumber Salsa

I hope you had an enjoyable Labor Day weekend.  My husband and I about worked ourselves into the ground in this Ohio humidity doing stall and paddock construction work.  Phew....good to get these projects done, but it really is quite a bit of work and being able to do the work made me even more grateful that my body is fueled on a plant-based diet.

We had our darling little granddaughter here for part of the weekend too and I enlisted her help in picking a winner for my 2nd Anniversary (or Vegan Birthday as one of my readers calls it....LOVE that!) giveaway.    And the winner is......

VALERIE!!!!

Congratulations, Valerie.  Be sure to e-mail me your shipping info (sunnyhawklane@gmail.com), so I can mail your books to you.

As you can see, my granddaughter really wanted ALL of the entries to win....as soon as she picked Valerie's name, she proceeded to pick everyone else.  She's a little fuzzy on that 'pick one' thing, but I like the way she thinks....everyone's a winner.

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Cucumber Salsa.

I am so lucky to have some people in my life that are truly wonderful.  Of course there is my immediate family, but I also have soul sisters that are always looking out for me and show me love in the most special ways.  One of them, Debbie, cuts out vegan articles in the newspaper, texts me when one of my favorite authors ends up in the hospital  (Richard Bach, recovering from what I can learn, author of Illusions which I highly recommend and many more), and generally has my back.  She recently told me about a cucumber salsa that she makes for her family ---- I had a chance to make it today and it is wonderful.  Here's Debbie's recipe:

2 -3 medium cucumbers, peeled, chopped (deseeding optional)

2 -3 medium tomatoes, chopped

1/2 C green pepper, choped

1 jalapeno, finely chopped

1 small onion, chopped

1 garlic clove, minced

2 T lime or lemon juice

1 t parsley

2 t cilantro

1/2 t dill

1/2 t salt

Combine ingredients and refrigerate for one hour before serving.

I used red pepper in place of the green and used a large onion---also extra lime juice.  I omitted the jalapeno but when I make this for my family, I will add that in since they enjoy the heat.



Cucumber salsa.

I think I will add in some mango next time also as its sweetness would go really nice with the other flavors.  This salsa screams freshness and summer and is a great way to use up some of those garden tomatoes.  I had about half a cup of black beans in the bottom of that pita and this was a wonderful topping for that.  The possibilities are endless.   Thanks, Debbie!  Love you!

Sue, working hard and eating fresh, in Ohio

Part 5: E.R. Trip #2 - How I earned my title of "Patient"

Part 5:  E.R. Trip # 2 - A Second Glimpse into the Abyss

"Personally, I am grateful for a crisis.  The crisis will give us the possibility to learn something if we are willing....if the heart opens up enough to tell the mind something", Gunther Hauk, Biodynamic Beekeeper featured in "Queen of the Sun: What are the Bees Telling Us".

"Crisis", from 'krisis':  turning point in a disease, as used by Hippocrates.

I had returned home (early Friday evening) and was reasonably comfortable, and VERY happy to be out of the hospital but still quite perplexed by my whole ordeal.  I was trying to get some food down, but was very tentative about putting anything down my esophagus as I could feel discomfort upon swallowing, although nothing like the massive chest pains I had had initially on Thursday.

Into the evening I noticed the worsening of my hives, with a huge swelling on the bottom of one of my feet, so large that I couldn't walk correctly.  Rashes, welts and lumps were erupting all over.

At my husband's urging (insistence), I called my doctor's office and had the good fortune of finding out that my own doctor was on call that evening.  She returned my call quickly and we discussed how much Benadryl (double doses) I could take and I followed her recommendations.  She noted she would be there for "Sick Bay" (early office hours) on Monday morning and I could slip in to see her then, that she might need to run me through a course of steroids.  Ok, all good.

Things seem to be ok into the next day and I am beginning to rest although I know I am stressing about the ordeal and still not knowing exactly what is wrong with me.  I am taking it very easy though and trying to eat a bit here and there.  My hives are nearly all gone.

In the evening, I decide to have a sweet potato (this would end up being really ironic), and put one in the microwave and go back to sit down.  As I get up to go and get it from the microwave, I start breathing rapidly and shallowly and am thinking....is this shortness of breath?  I catch myself on the kitchen counter as my ears start plugging and ringing, my head feels like it is swollen up and my hands start tingling.

I make it back to the couch and look at my husband and say 'I'm in trouble'.  I barely hit the couch before I am passing out, in and out of consciousness, and hear my husband yell for my son, as he is dialing 9-1-1.  He slaps me on the face (he told me he did, I have no memory of it) and tells me to stay with him and I remember looking at him and saying 'ok'....and then mouthing "I Love You".  (Once again I get this feeling that maybe, just maybe this is the end of this life-time for me.  I decide that is b.s. and feel my "Pennsylvania Dutch" stubborn streak kick in....thank you, Grandma).

My husband has the foresight to send my son down to the end of the driveway to flag the squad---we live out in the country and have a very long drive----and by now my hands are nearly completely numb and the tingling is moving up my arms, which I am trying to tell him saying "hands", "hands". 

The EMTs come into the house and I hear him telling them about our trip to the hospital already and bringing them up to speed.  They put a B.P. cuff on my right arm and just about then I completely lose the use of my arms and my hands cramp up tightly....like claws. (My husband tried to pry my right hand open a bit and could not even budge it).  I am saying 'oh my gawd, my hands, my hands, look at my hands!!'. 

The BP cuff is just killing my right arm and I beg them to take it off.  They switch it to the left arm and I am horrified as I read the monitor which notes my BP as 70 over 30!!!

I hear one of the EMTs say something about dehydration and I have water sitting there on the table and ask for it and can now use my left hand enough with his help to down the few ounces that are in there.  Almost immediately, my hands begin to uncramp and the tingling begins to subside.  They also took my blood sugar as my husband said I hadn't had much to eat for the last couple of days and we were all surprised to see it was over 130. 

They decide to transport me and bring the gurney into our family room.

Once I am loaded into the back of the ambulance, the EMT to my left starts an I.V. port as they are taking down my name and information.  I'll always remember this guy, 'Cunningham' read the name on his shirt, as when they were taking my age down, he said "you are, uh, forty-what?".  Now later on, I thought that maybe I had given them the year of my birth and that this was a reflection on his poor math skills, but I am choosing to remember it as his guess at my age....  :-)

Cunningham starts to hook up the saline solution and another EMT, the driver, comes into the vehicle from the side and behind me to cut through the center console.  Why he came in that way and not the driver's door, I do not know, but when he did, he tripped over the I.V. line which ripped the hub out of my arm and my blood was strafing the inside of the ambulance and Cunningham, straight out of a B-horror movie.  I turned to the general direction of my husband who was by now seated in the passenger side of the front and said 'Honey, I don't want to go'.

He was having none of it, and said quickly, 'we are going'.

When we arrived at the hospital, the EMTs had already had several printouts of my heart rate (all normal), and I was feeling weak, but ok.  No I.V. had been hooked up....they gave up on that. 

I was taken to a different room in the E.R this time...one with a view....a view of the central hub, or nurses'/doctors' station.  Kelly was not on this night (it's not a good thing when you start learning these folks' names), and we were assigned another nurse who instantly pissed off my husband when he asked the tech to have my family wait in the waiting room while they got a gown on me.  (I refrained from pointing out to him that really, my husband has seen me naked before, but that he ---the male nurse---has NOT, maybe HE should go wait in the waiting room).  I could see the look on my husband's face....one I strive not to elicit and I sent up a silent prayer that nobody else gets in his way between here and the waiting room.  (Later I found out from my son that my husband had been growling at the aide who offered to escort them to the waiting room, and that my son had worked to calm him down a bit.)

For way longer than it took to get a gown on me, they kept my husband and son out of the room and finally the nurse said they could come back in.  Basic info and vitals were taken.  I was glad to see a much higher B.P.

I asked them not to put any tape on me or even their sheets/blankets as I wasn't sure what my issue had been with the hives before.  Even as I said this, I looked down at my wrists and could see hives, literally, before my very eyes rising up on my inner arms.  I pointed it out to the nurse.

This nurse had the bed-side manner of a dried piece of cardboard, but we actually ended up doing ok with him, after a time; he did eventually lighten up a bit.

The E.R. doc came in to see me....the very same doc that had seen me less than 48 hours prior.  He proceeded to ask me the very same questions about my medical  history that he had asked me before....but hey, I do know they have their system. 

We explain what happened and proceed to go into detail about the symptoms and that one of the EMTs had said something about dehydration.  He steps out of the room (and see now I can see everything the nurses and aides and docs are doing when they leave the room as I have a straight view of the hub area) and goes to a computer, so I presume he is pulling up info about my stay in the hospital, which I have summarized for him.

A tech comes in to draw blood (my vampire friend from Africa); I call him by name and we chat and I realize as he is drawing blood that he isn't so happy about my veins.  I was all the rage with the vampires when I was in the hospital.....they kept saying how great my veins are and how they wished all their patients had such good veins....now he can hardly find one that is up enough to meet his standards.  Hmmm.....

After a time, a tech comes in and says she is here to take me for.........wait for it..... A CHEST X-RAY!!!!   I look over at my husband who has the 'huh?' look on his face too and I say, "uh, why am I getting a chest x-ray?"  She says, "oh, you don't want one?".  I said, "well, could I just find out why I need one?" 

So she goes to chat with the doc, remember I can watch all this, and I observe the dialog between them...she comes back with a sheet of paper and says, "here, sign off here that you refused the chest x-ray".  Okay at this point, I think I am tripping and in some crazy-ass movie with a playwright that needs to be fired.  You just canNOT make this sh*t up....medics tripping over I.V. lines and so on.

I say, "well, I DIDN'T refuse it; I just want to know WHY I need it".  She goes over and gets the doc who comes in and explains to me that he wants to run all the cardiac protocol again so they can rule out heart attack.  WHAT???  I said, ok, I just had a stress test, passed it per the cardiologist, all heart blood enzymes were good, EKG is good, right?  Yes, right.  Ok then, I don't think it's my heart, do you?  He refuses to answer no matter how many times I ask him for his professional opinion, merely repeated the 'party line' of, well, we have protocols.  I again saw, it isn't my heart and I don't wish to repeat the cardiac tests.

He comes back a bit later to say that the heart enzymes were slightly elevated on the blood test they just took, but he'll take another blood sample and retest.  He does also note that my potassium was very low, so orders a drink for me to correct that and says that could affect the original blood test.

Ok, so we are in a holding pattern here. 

Meanwhile, another patient has been brought in next to me....our room is just divided by a curtain and we can hear everything going on over there.  He has chest pains and our nurse would end up being pretty much completely focused on him for the remaining 5 hours that we would be there....as well he should have been.

Our nurse did come back in and check my vitals again and I showed him again, my hives, which were now all over the backs of my legs, my torso, erupting on my face, just about everywhere.  I asked him if he had ever seen anything like that before and he said, yes, that he has seen it on himself and that he is deadly allergic to aspirin and had had such a bad reaction to it that the E.R. staff was ready to intubate him and told him that if he ever has an aspirin product again, he likely would not survive that....Captain Cardboard shows a glimmer of personality at this point.

Okay, I am glad to know I have someone that understands I am having a reaction, but also now am a bit freaked out.  I work on my deep breathing and relaxation visualization as I peek at my b.p. numbers and see they are at stroke levels:  155/98.  (In my summary of all of my adventures, I'm going to get more into b.p. and the body's agenda.....I really became aware of some surprising things).

Captain Cardboard gets me on some antihistamines after checking with the doc and hurries back to attend to the chest pain patient.

My 2nd blood test ends up being ok, cardiac enzyme-wise, the doc comes back in (we've now been there over 4 hours), and says that it may well have been dehydration so decides to then start a saline drip, which they set up to go very, very slowly.  I ask if I can have some water, which they do give me and I'm getting that down, but it's ice water and I'm freezing as I don't want any of their blankets on my skin....my son takes off his hoodie and gallantly lets me cover my hive-ridden (and unshaven....see 2nd post in this series about personal hygiene/grooming) legs with it.  I have my tee-shirt draped over my arms (it's the nastiest shirt I own...stained with holes in it....see above mentioned post....it's since been turned into cleaning rags).

So, as we are waiting for the slowest drip I.V. in the world to get into my body, we can't help but hear what is happening next to us and to focus on it.  In my philosophical moments, I wonder if exposure to this patient is part of why I have gone through this ordeal, because it was quite sobering.

This man, complaining of chest pains, was scheduled to have a double-bypass at a major university teaching hospital in about two weeks---his medical record ran the gamut of so much that we fear:  high blood pressure, diabetes, a bout with prostate cancer, surgery on his testicles (so much for privacy laws....we heard it all), high cholesterol, he had been a smoker, but quit two weeks earlier.....it was a mess.

They could NOT manage his chest pain.  They would go in and have him rate his pain (most times between 5-8 on a scale of 10), give him pain meds and then check with him in a bit.  It would cycle down to a 2 or 3 and then in about 20 minutes we'd hear him tell his wife, 'chest pain is back'.  She'd call the nurse and it would start all over again.

They decided they would transport him to the hospital where he was going to receive the surgery (approximately an hour away), and presumably set about making those arrangements.

Except time just went on, and on, and on.

At one point, I heard the pain come back to him yet again and the call light was put on, which an aide answered.  I heard her tell him that she would go check and see what the doctor wanted him to have.

Not only could I SEE what was going on in the hub, I could also HEAR most of the conversations in there and I heard the aide talk to the nurse in the station who said "well do they know that he is going to be transported to another hospital?!?!".  Oh......My......God.    I wanted to scream "......" at them, well, I will spare you what I wanted to scream---where is Shirley MacClaine from Terms of Endearment when you need her!?... but I mostly just wanted them to take care of this poor guy and not kill him before they could get him to a more competent facility.

I thought happy thoughts about him.....intently.

I decided my situation was not bad.....not bad at all.  If I had to wait another 8 hours for the I.V. bag, I still would be going home.  If I had hives, they could be controlled with Benadryl or steroids.  If I had to do unnecessary testing and learn some lessons the hard way, well then still, I would live to fight another day.  The best case scenario for this guy was a trip to a cardiac surgical unit where a massively invasive procedure awaited him and a long, long road of recovery.

I had at least learned most of my lifestyle lessons before ending up at the mercy of painkillers on a gurney in a small town E.R.  I quit smoking & alcohol consumption over 20 years ago, remained active, had logged nearly two years on a plant-based diet, total cholesterol 140, average B.P. (when not faced with extreme stress) 112/78 and so on.  I was over-whelmed with gratitude for my good fortune and for my inquisitive mind that had sent me on my current path.

Since it became apparent that I was going to be there for awhile (the liquid in my I.V. bag had only decreased by about an inch), my husband opted to run my son home, so he could get some sleep.

Meanwhile, back at the ranch, patient 'Zero' has been admitted.  He ended up being taken to my old room....a lovely room, with a nice happy mural of a pastoral setting hand-painted on the walls and no view of the nurses' hub....I missed that room.  Anyway, I hear this guy being brought in and basic information taken.  He's so loud, I can hear the intimate details.  Our nurse has been assigned to him as well (guess they figured I'm just in for a drink of water, since I've 'refused' all the good tests, so he can handle it). 

This guy is very crass and LOUD, did I mention loud?,  and announces that he 'can't take a piss'.  Nothing comes out and it hurts and can they put a catheter in him or something and if they do will all the piss drain out of him.  I'm shaking my head thinking that my husband has left before the best part of the movie came on.  The nurse leaves his room briefly after telling him that yes, they are going to take care of it and he's going to get some meds ordered for him. 

About 20 seconds goes by and I hear this huge CRASH and banging and yelling and I know it is coming from Zero.  (Zero as in zero patience, zero tolerance for pain and zero class whatsoever).

A nurse goes scurrying down the hall and I hear her say, 'did you just kick something?'.  Zero says 'no'.  She says, 'are you sure because I heard some clanging in here?'.  "Nope, I didn't kick anything, I can't piss", Zero eloquently replies.

I can hear the nurse uprighting something in the room and she again says,  "are you certain you didn't throw something or kick something?".  Zero finally fesses up and says, "yeah, I kicked that table over there".  The nurse asks him to please not kick anything, this is their property and they don't want it damaged and tells him that medication is on the way.

About 10 or 15 minutes later after I finally flag a nurse's aide down (I realize after my husband has left that I don't have a call button in my room) to unhook my various leads so I can go accomplish on my own what Zero is unable to, I pass by his room and can't help myself and sneak a peak in Zero's room ....he is OUT COLD.  I'm thinking they gave him the upper end dosage of something....or maybe Captain Cardboard has nailed him with a tranquilizer dart to the neck....can't say I blame them.

Time slowly passes, husband returns, doc checks back in the room and is satisfied with something on his chart that he is reading and says that I can go home, I don't even need to finish the I.V. bag.  A nurse is with him to go over my after-care instructions and to sign off saying I've been instructed on several things that I am not being given including the management and use of an epi pen.  I have the deer-in-the-headlights look and she realizes about half way through that they have the wrong print-out for me....goes back and tells the doc, who prints out something else and we start again.

Seems there isn't really a dismissal sheet for:  Patient needs FOOD and WATER.  Which is about what all this boils down to. 

I was also advised upon leaving to be sure and think about anything different at home that I might have, like new soap or new shampoo, new detergent....told that I needed to go through everything at home that might be new and really think about that. Of course, color me crazy, but I'm thinking the fact that I didn't have any hives until AFTER I came into the hospital should go into that analysis.

I'll summarize in my next entry where I'm also going to attempt to delineate the many lessons learned, but we may never know exactly what caused my original pain.  My husband and I have a working theory though.....probably it was the acidic lemon juice in the bottom of my bottle that I had just chugged and immediately bent over to hook up the farm implement to the tractor.  Possibly there had been a tear or some damage in the esophagus from either bushhogging over rough terrain or maybe I had something already damaged, who knows.  We think the acid from the lemon may have simply eaten through some soft tissues there causing the excruciating pain I experienced.

My hesitation to ingest anything and the hospital not ensuring I had adequate fluid intact contributed to the event leading to my 2nd transport.  At this point, both my husband and I were on edge and not understanding what might be wrong, hit the panic switch.  Err on the side of safety I guess, although one could certainly make the argument that the hospital and the E.R. are not necessarily safe places to be.

Interestingly and ironically enough, as I researched a few things during my recovery period, I discovered that sweet potatoes (which I was craving and was the ONLY thing I wanted, followed by bananas, which both I and the hospital were out of), are some of the best sources of potassium!  My dangerously low levels of potassium can cause tingling and the cramping I experienced in my hands/arms.

As for the hives, I am still working on that mystery, which I do have some ideas about and will cover in more detail in the next post.  My father, an oral surgeon, mentioned angioedema which I wasn't familiar with and told me he has had that before and that there may be a genetic component; he never did figure out triggers for his.

It's all rather anti-climatic in the end, but frankly, I'm very thankful for a lack of drama at this point....boring and simple can be quite good.

To be Wrapped Up: Next:  Recovery, Follow-Up and Lessons....oh, the Lessons.
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Healthy Snack 

Scott Jurek, Ultramarathoner, vegan and now author "Eat and Run", can't wait to read it, has an interesting recipe for some snack bars.  He calls them "Chocolate and Adzuki Bean Bars" and you can read a great interview with Scott and find the recipe here:
 http://www.runnersworld.com/article/0,7120,s6-242-303--14320-F,00.html

I am dissecting nutrition and what it takes to be truly fueled and turning to what the successful vegan athletes do, seems to be a good idea.  I decided to give Scott's recipe a try.

I started low-tech with a potato masher to blend up the beans and banana  I used three different kinds of beans, not just the adzuki as that is what I happened to have handy.  I did move up to a mixer, but an immersion hand-held model did the job fine.

When I first tried these, I didn't think I liked them much, but they are really growing on me...I mean seriously growing on me.  I have some ideas on playing with Scott's recipe.  I would like to power them up even more by replacing some of the flour with hemp powder.  Raw sunflower seeds could be added as well and would give it a little crunch.  I think a 'blonde' version of them would be good too and instead of the cacao powder I will try some cinnamon and other spices and maybe add some apples for part of the beans.  The possibilities are endless.  I especially love that there are beans in the recipe as I am determined to get those into my diet daily.  It's a great snack and one that I will be making quite frequently. 

It would be nice to slice these bars up and have at the ready in the freezer.....in case you have to go to the hospital where they may or may not feed you.  ;-)

NOTE:  I didn't have the dried fruit that Scott uses in his recipe, but that would give it a bit more sweetness.  I also didn't use the maple syrup, but did use a bit of agave.  I'd like to replace that with dates.



Sue, feeling pretty damn good these days, in Ohio

Part 3: My "Sleep"over at the Hospital---Sleep? Fuggedaboudit.

Part 3- Overnight at the Hospital....in the "Little Shop of Sleep Deprivation", aka. Cardiac Wing.

{"Health is not something the doctor can apply to you like calamine lotion.  Health is something you do on a daily basis, and making wise decisions at the dinner table is one of the best things you can do to assure your good health", Dr. Michael Klaper, http://www.vegsource.com/klaper/optimum.htm}


I had still been following the 'cardiac protocol' up to this point, having been given nitro a few times and nearly as soon as I was taken into my room in the cardiac wing and met my first nurse "Eva", this was continued by a nitro paste being placed on my back.  I would later come to detest nitro;  it is some nasty stuff and gave me severe headaches.  However, I reasoned, headache trumps heart failure any day.

I had also begun to notice, really, back in the E.R., that the places under the tapes and adhesives that were holding various I.V. ports, monitors, etc. in place were itching.  I was trying not to scratch them, but they were getting red and bothersome.  This is another thing that would come back to bite me in the butt.

Nurse Eva, who seemed very sweet, filled me in on procedures, pointing out first and foremost when I mentioned that I was going to be getting a stress test in the a.m.....that she needed to clear that up right now; the CARDIOLOGIST will or will not order that.....not the E.R. doc.  Thus began my first glimpse into the power struggle, miscommunication and general control-freak issues of the inner-workings of the hospital.

She went through many informational aspects of my stay at the hospital and when my husband spoke up at one point saying I hadn't eaten and that I really need to eat frequently because I am vegan, she jumped at me: "I asked you if you were on a special diet and you didn't say anything!!!".  There is no way in hell she asked me that.  I was waiting and waiting for a chance to tell her of my diet needs as this was foremost on my mind.  She said she would try to see what she could get me, but it was about 10:00 p.m. by now, kitchen closed.  Later, I begged for a banana.....no bananas in the hospital--they were out.  After a time, she did scrounge up a packet of instant oatmeal (very small serving...like maybe an ounce or two), and a small dish of grapes.  Later she brought me a very tiny serving of fruit that I know had sugared syrup on it....by this time, I just had to get something in my stomach, so I ate.

{Another side note:  Eva told us that her boss, was essentially on a vegan diet.  Turns out she does CHIP  ---Complete Health Improvement Program--- that I had learned about at the Appalachian Summit in Athens, Ohio last September.  I thought this really was a grand coincidence, since Caldwell Esselstyn really champions this program.  Also it was good to know she had some fore-knowledge of what a vegan is.

Learn more about CHIP here:  http://www.chiphealth.com/

I tried not to look at my husband's face as Eva went on to explain the reasons why her boss had gone on that program, and they included to reduce cholesterol, reduce blood pressure and she finally got around to mentioning that her boss wanted to lose a few pounds.
This was the classical 'elephant-in-the-room' scenario as Eva really needs to lose I'm guessing at least 100 pounds.}


I was sipping some water that Eva had brought, but there was discomfort with every swallow and I kept telling the various nurses and techs that I could feel where the place was in my esophagus that was hurt, torn, damaged or whatever.  This discomfort, and not being sure what was causing it, also made me very cautious about putting ANYthing down my throat, so I know I was becoming dehydrated at this point even.  This would also later come back to bite me in the butt, big time.

My husband left and I finally got settled in and was having 'a moment'....true loneliness and probably the shock of the day wafting over me; I tried texting a dear friend, but she wasn't available, so pulled up the picture file on my cell phone, noting how little juice I had left on my cell phone.  Lesson learned there too.

I was never so glad to have all of those little candid shots stored on that phone....the ones that I never thought were all that good to begin with taken with my phone's less-than-optimal camera, but they are just there. 

As I scanned through them, I had all the great loves of my life on there....both my boys that I am so incredibly proud of, not for any particular 'accomplishment', but just by Who They Are.  My husband...so many good pictures of him on there, and then all the crazy farm pictures I have that probably only I would understand....half of a barn swallow as I tried to get a shot of those fascinating birds, just the corner of my mare's beautiful face....undoubtedly she had broken her 'pose' and had come up to sniff me mid-picture.  I scanned through pictures of my grand-daughter, my two best friends, my precious brother and other family members and felt the sense of their love.

Feeling somewhat calmer, I snuggled down in the sheets and pulled out my current book and began to read.

Just a very few pages into that, I heard what sounded like a thundering herd flying down the hall and thought to myself:  'wow, sounds like a bunch of kids running up and down the hall'.  In a moment, the 'herd' flew into my room and my nurse Eva (who as I mentioned, is about 80-100 pounds overweight, so buddy when she hits the ground, you can hear her coming) and another fairly large nurse appeared bolting into my room and tried to compose themselves, regain their breath and be non-chalant. 

Eva quickly came to my bedside and said, "you ok?".  I hesitantly answered "uh, yeah, I think so".  She pressed on:  "you didn't just feel anything?".  "Uh, no....feel something?"  Eva:  "You didn't feel something in your heart?".  Me: "Nope, don't think so". 

Ok, so by now, I'm getting on red-alert and the cardiac swat team has come into the room, they are taking vitals and printing out EKG's and I'm trying to just stay calm---(as I glance at the portable monitor and see a readout of about 151/95 bp!)

They continue taking my bp until it comes down a bit and they confirm that my EKG is ok, just normal, I tentatively thank them for keeping an eye on me and they depart.

I settle back to the book when AGAIN the thunder!!  I'm alert now and I hear the herd pass by my room and continue on down the hall.

I decide, ok, screw this....I'm going to try to actually just fall asleep--close the book, lights out...deep breathing, good god, get me out of here, I want to go home.  I finally begin to doze and Eva comes into the room which I hear and wake up to and she says "well, good news.  I didn't know whether to tell you or not.  You never had anything go off on your EKG alarm-wise".  She proceeds to explain to me that upon her return to the nurses' station after their visit in my room she sees that the number to my room she is reading as "3" is showing a pulse rate of 150.  She says, wait a minute, I just left her room and her pulse was 60....this isn't my patient.  That prompted the 2nd run down the hall to the patient who actually had the arrhythmia (she ended up being ok...I asked).

Turns out the room I was in used to be a double room and there were two numerical designations for it, and then a new numbering system was instituted but there was still this unknown problem with the number 3 on their monitors at the station.  Ok then, doesn't instill confidence, but still, I figure that it is a good thing...I am ok.

The next few hours are spent by being awakened by various vampires (met a lovely man from Africa that continued the vampire joke with me when I would go on to donate to his blood-collection on E.R. Trip #2), and techs taking vitals every two hours.  After dozing off following one of these tech visits, I heard the speaker system go off LOUDLY proclaiming "CODE BLUE, CODE BLUE, CODE BLUE...all staff report to wherever it was...."  This repeated a couple of times in case the relatives of the vampire that are still in Africa didn't hear it the first time.

No one likes to hear the words "code" and "blue" in quick succession and I had trouble settling after that.  Actually when I first heard them I put my hand to my own heart to make sure it wasn't me!  Finally when I did re-settle, Eva came in to check me again.  (Honestly, are these people trained in sleep deprivation techniques???).  We chatted a bit about her history, and I confessed to her that I was terrified that someone was going to come into the room and tell me I am dying.  She tried to reassure me that all my vitals looked good and scurried off to see if she could find blood enzyme test results.

I chose then to mention the massive headache I had been steadily developing...she said it was the nitro, got me some Tylenol, which didn't help and finally a bit later agreed to take off the nitro as I tried to tell her, look, I really don't think this is my heart!   She had obtained the next in the series of cardiac enzyme test results which confirmed my theory...so far, so good on that front.

As she ripped off the tape holding the nitro paste in place, she said ok, but that if my bp goes back up, it's going back on.  (More on bp later...am starting to understand more about that vital statistic).

I inquired about the Code Blue case and she confirmed that that person was fine....she had collapsed while on the commode (a little too much information, but still, a welcome relief--by now, I'm feeling and invisible connection and kinship to the other inmates....I mean patients). 

Dawn was peaking through the blinds and I got up to close those and noticed that some other places of my body were beginning to itch.  I was simply too tired to think more about it at that point and opted to try, once again, to get a bit of rest.

I dozed fitfully until the shift change just an hour or so later.

To be continued:  Next:  A day at the hospital--get out before they make you worse.


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Healing Breakfast

Again, nothing fancy here and a continuation of my healing theme.  I've been craving berries for some reason and I'm not about to argue with my body at this point.  Having come to a better understanding of how the body has its own agenda, I am LISTENING!

This is pretty much my regular oatmeal, with cinnamon & some golden flax seeds ground up on top.  To my berries, I also sprinkled some chia and hemp seeds.  I've gone heavy on the berries and found some real beauties at our local store:  raspberries, blueberries, strawberries and a few black raspberries. 

Berries, grapes, chia and hemp seeds

Wanting to add some savory, I rough-chopped some kale and tossed it in with the oatmeal.  It is late-season kale and a bit on the bitter side, but I've heard many times about the importance of stimulating all of the taste sensations.  Any chance I get to toss in some more nutrients, I will definitely take advantage of.

I have to say I was very surprised that the kale did not taste bad at all and blended in with the taste of the oatmeal very well.  I will continue to use this early morning opportunity to get some more nutrients into my body.  I am realizing that I need to be more pro-active on both the macro and micro levels of nutrition for my body.

Oatmeal with kale, cinnamon and ground golden flax seeds

Sue, on the healing path, in Ohio